Türkçe konuşiyorum! (kinda)

This is apparently what happens when I am left unattended, bored, and hungry. I write travel prose. In Turkish. In very bad Turkish. HannahSam, eat your heart out:

Geçen kış tatilinde. Patagonia’ya gittim. Çok güzel bir tatildi. Kansas City’den Panama’ya kamyonlu gittim. Panama’da at kiradim. Panama’lı bir arkadasim var, adı HannahSam. HannahSam’lı buluştuk. Birlikte Patagonia’yı gittik. Patagonia dağlarında dolaştik. Dağlar çok güzeldi. Cennet gibiydi. Ondan sonar haydutler hücum ettiler! – ama biz uzağa sürdük. Biz vahsidik. Patagonia’da küçük köy vardi. Köydu herkes sadece patlıcan yidiler. O çok görülmemişti. Köydu çok kar vardı. Belki patlıcan ve kar bağlıdı. Bilmidik. Köydu çok fil vardı. Hannahsam ve ben, filler evcilleştirdik ve sirk yaptık. Sirk çok güzeldi. İspanya’nın kral bakmak geldi. Kişin sicak havuztudu maymunleri yüztük. Köydu insanlar fakirdi ama cana yakındı. Onlar arkadaşlarımız. Günler çok güzeldi. Biz çok mutluduk. Krallar ve eceler bize bakmak geldiler. Ondan sonar huzur kırtı. Dinozorlar uyandilar.

Last winter I had a vaction. I went to Patagonia. It was a very good vacation. I went from Kansas City to Panama in a truck. In Panama I rented a horse. In Patagonia was my friend, named HannahSam. I met with HannahSam. We went to Patagonia together. I wandered around the mountains in Patagonia. The mountains were very good. It was like paradise. Then we were attacked by bandits! - but we drove them away. We were very ferocious. In Patagonia was a small town. Everyone in the town only ate eggplant. It was very strange. There was a lot of snow in the town. Maybe the eggplant and the snow were connected. We didn't know. In the town were many elephants. HannahSam and I tamed the elephants and made a circus. The circus was very good. The king of Spain came to see. In the winter we swam in hot pools with monkeys. The people of the town were poor but very warm. They were our friends. The days were very good. We were very happy. Kings and queens came to see us. Then the calm shattered. The dinosaurs woke up. *

...Yeah, I don't know, either.

* I used "woke up" as my dictionary contained neither "reanimated" nor "resurrected."