Hi, İstanbul? Can we talk?

I am not - not - down with this cold-blustery-rainy schtick you've got going on right now.

This is winter weather. I tolerated that winter weather for four cold, damp months, but it is May 3rd as of today, sweetie, and frankly I expect better of you than this. Rain just isn't a good look for you. Some cities do rain really, really well. Seattle, for instance: she rocks that damp and drizzly look. The architecture, the people, the baristas on every street corner - it all comes together really well. It's a shabby chic kind of thing, but İstanbul, you are upwards of five thousand years old, and maybe it's time you started taking a little better care of yourself.

We've been friends for a long time, dear, so I think I owe you a little honesty. You know how some authors describe the way rain washes a city clean? Leaves everything clean and shiny and glistening for a new day? Yeah...that ain't you. You get muddy when it rains. Muddy and slippery and treacherous, and waiting for a bus in freezing drizzle kind of sucks. I know what I'm talking about. I waited for buses in freezing drizzle from November to March, and I am so done with that. My shoes haven't been dry since that week before Christmas- you know, the one where I gave up and didn't go outside at all? You need sun, honey. Lots and lots of baking sun to roast the grime back to a managaeable level.

I could see my breath waiting for the bus this morning. This is May. Uh-uh. Not cool.

Consider this an intervention. Grow up, İstanbul. Get with the program.

Love,

Me

PS - Speaking of taking better care of yourself, maybe you should consider laying off the smoking? You are never going to land a man at this rate. He won't be able to see you through the smog. Have you considered what all those airborne chemicals are doing to your priceless monuments? Have you really? (Speaking of which, you could consider laying off the earthquakes, too.)